Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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