I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
