mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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