You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
