Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
