I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
