I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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