u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
