I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
