Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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