All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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