one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
