You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
