from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
