Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
