I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
