I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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