I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
