I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is it penis luge time yet?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
