You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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