just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
