Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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