he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
