obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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