drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
