Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
