When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
