glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
