Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
