i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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