Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
