this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
