i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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