I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
