Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
