Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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