I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
