So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
