hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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