That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
