i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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