u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
