just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
