I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
