well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
