Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
