i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
