god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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