Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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