I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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