this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
