I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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