who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
