i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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