Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
