I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
