She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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