If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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