I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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