Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
