woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
