I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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