He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
