we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize