I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
