i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
