he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
