I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
