i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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