She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
