dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
