I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
