so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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