Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
