you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
