I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
