Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
tell me about the eggs
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