okay pat passed out under dana's car
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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