A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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