Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
