She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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