I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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