i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
