I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize